several things, all true:
i said i was going to take it easy for a few weeks after getting laid off
i am incapable of “taking it easy”
i said yes to too many meetings, which is probably both survival instinct kicking in and a logistical response to the overwhelming and extremely generous and kind outpouring of support and opportunities presented to me last week after announcing i got laid off
i had the world’s smallest mental breakdown at 3 am after my birthday party this weekend and chase said i should cancel most of my meetings this week and actually really try to “take it easy” (see above)
it’s my first full week of unemployment, and i had a pretty shocking revelation today. it turns out that simply by expressing the things you want (for example: preferred job title and responsibilities) and taking yourself and your abilities seriously…other people might also take you seriously.
in the past when i found myself applying to jobs, i felt desperate and stupid. the last time i really applied for jobs in earnest was last year after a work project with a nightmare client left me working an 80 hour week and desperate for a different work scenario. i didn’t find that new job immediately, but a few months later it found me. at no point in my work history have i felt like i had the “upper hand” in a job interview, or like i was on even ground with the person interviewing me. usually i have just felt anxious and sweaty and like i really need this to work out. can i trick this person into hiring me by convincing them that i am a competent and normal human being? can i trick myself into believing this?. i was courted for my job at vanity fair when i was 23 but when the HR person called me with the lowball offer my impulse was still to accept it on the spot over the phone instead of negotiating, so scared i was that this thing being presented to me to theoretically sustain me and provide me with a livelihood and a sense of worth wasn’t real or could disappear or be revoked at any time.
last week was humbling. i asked several people, several times, in several different ways for more than my allotted 4 weeks of severance during this, a period of inflation and the month student loan repayments start, and every time i was plainly told: no, sorry. i panicked a little and i cried a lot. i did not feel valued, and i did not feel respected. i felt a little bit pathetic. i signed up for unemployment. i cancelled all of my recurring payments and put myself on a strict budget. but this is a new week, and this time around when i interview i don’t find myself feeling quite so scared and sweaty. i’m honest about the job titles and responsibilities i want instead of downplaying those to try to get a job i think someone would be more likely to offer me. instead of minimizing my contributions and experience i speak succinctly but fully about everything i’ve done, the roles i’ve held, the growth i’ve overseen. this sounds stupid but is true: i used to not take myself seriously, but once i started to, everyone else i spoke with did too. this revelation is less about like, “knowing my worth” or whatever girlboss empowerment platitude you would like to attribute it to and more about the reality of the situation which is: i do not want to be disrespected or have my time wasted because i am tired and i don’t want to end up in this position looking for a job again soon. i know what i want and i’m unafraid to voice that. if they say no or it’s not a good fit, i’ll move on and i’ll be fine. the people i speak to now treat me like an equal, a professional, someone worthy of respect. they want to create a role for me. they are well into a hiring process and pause it specifically to talk to me. i can’t believe it, though the rational part of my brain knows i deserve this, that this is how hiring at its best should be, that employers should also be falling over themselves to woo good, qualified candidates more often in general. i try not to take this for granted; it’s also only been eight days since i lost my job, promises of job offers are dizzying right now, i crave stability i may not find immediately. maybe i will feel differently in a few weeks or a few months. in the meantime i will continue to attempt to “take it easy” (again: i do not know how to do this) while balancing my impulse to talk with the most interesting people who’ve reached out to me and maybe this interview process won’t be quite as long as i’ve braced myself for.
Know yourself; know your worth—and keep telling everyone accordingly.