you probably already know this because if you subscribe to my newsletter i assume you are following my vast, loud and stupid footprint around the internet otherwise, but it happened: i got laid off yesterday! (i have been workshopping two different versions of jokes about my layoff, either “i finally got laid off and it didn’t even happen at a media company!” or “[extremely leo voice]: laying me off during my birth month????” work, neither are very funny. i never promised comedy here!)
wow. what to say? well, probably not a lot, since i only loosely read through my separation agreement that entitles me to a bit of severance and i don’t want to violate that especially, and besides that, honestly, the past 10 months were a largely great crash-course in things like managing a team, working closely with a product team, cross-functional work, pivoting, leading a rebrand, leadership, etc etc etc. these are things i feel like you have to wait years to do if you’re working at places other than a startup but instead i got a great career accelerant in the form of this job. also, i got to go to copenhagen twice! i ate so much pickled herring and rye bread because i was too polite to turn it down each time it was offered to me.
i am a little panicked about income and my future and turning 30 without a job, though i think that’s a natural immediate response and also a teensy bit of a trauma response to suddenly losing my income, since the last time i was in this position, abruptly and very publicly finding myself very unemployed, it was under quite different circumstances. people were very nice to me in 2019 when i left my job at [redacted], but they have been even kinder and somehow even more generous this time around. i keep reading supportive dms from acquaintances or texts from the people i managed up until roughly 27 hours ago and bursting into annoying, heaving sobs because i can’t believe anyone would ever be so kind to me.
anyway, i am doing just fine, and i am lucky to have some freelance work already lined up for myself. my strategy this time around is to avoid rushing into anything by doing a good bit of freelance work until i find the right “head of content” or “editorial director” or “other probably similar title” job that i really love at a solid company. i know that being able to take a pause like this is a luxury and a privilege; last time something like this happened i scrambled and hustled my ass off to scrape by until i went to the new york times (again, very much due to the generosity of people in my network).
i have always said i am not very good at freelancing, or maybe i am and i just don’t trust myself to do it because it’s scary and i really hate dealing with the logistics of things like the new york state healthcare system and freelance taxes, both of which i have paid dearly for fucking up before. my hardwired scarcity mindset always brings me back to being broke and terrified in new york—at 21 right out of college, or at 27 and struggling to find literally any job right before the pandemic started. knowing that i am my own safety net, although not exactly a new revelation, never stops freaking me out or feeling more real than when i’m on my own and without an “anchor gig” or a full-time job.
yesterday i felt sorry for myself and cried, and today i woke up and responded to every message in every inbox and made baba ganoush and stacked my calendar with meetings for the rest of the month and told myself that this is good, actually, to not have a job during august. think of how many beach trips i can squeeze in over the next few weeks.
some personal/personnel news
Good luck and best wishes from the land downunder! Just wondering, how are the cats dealing with this sudden occurrence? Demanding 24/7 treats?